Zombie University (The Complete Series): How I Survived the Zombie Apocalypse Read online

  I didn’t see Lana swing the cane, but I sure heard the disgusting crack it made against the back of the zombie’s head. The professor pitched forward and disappeared through the doorway; I cringed as his body took the tumble down a full flight of stairs. Lana stared, the cane hanging limply from her right hand. The metal head was now stained with blood.

  “Home run,” I said, weakly. Neither of us smiled.

  ***

  We didn’t speak as we stepped gingerly over the motionless form of what had once been a college professor. My neck and shoulder ached from the impact against the wall, and my leg felt like it was on fire. I didn’t want to think about what I would do the next time we ran into something.

  “Sam, are you okay? You’re limping.” Lana eyed me warily. “You didn’t get bit, did you?”

  “No…” I slapped my leg impatiently. “I have a bad leg, that’s all.” All she did was nod, but I could tell she was worried. And I couldn’t blame her. Stuck in the aftermath of the zombie apocalypse with an almost crippled kid. I felt worse for her than I did for myself.

  “We’re going to the café, right?” she asked. I said yes, and we headed out away from the Economics building, toward the open fields of the athletic complex. The emptiness was surreal. Every now and then, we’d see a zombie or two dotting the scene, but it seemed like they had all spread out.

  “Wonder where they’ve gone,” I muttered. Lana looked around uneasily.

  “Let’s hope we don’t find out.”

  The fields were a scene I’d hoped I wouldn’t have to see. A lot of the grass was stained an ugly rust color, and I noticed more than a few shapeless heaps on the ground. Lana whimpered. “Don’t look,” I said. “Just…we’ll just keep going.” I put my head down too. How had this happened? What was life going to be like now? Walking across that stretch, I felt like the last man on earth, except that I’m no hero. And even if I was, there was no one around to save but Lana. There was nothing but us and the empty sky. I glanced at her.

  She walked with both hands on Professor Reynold’s cane, her eyes darting over our surroundings. If I’m being honest, she made me kind of nervous, like she was only barely sane. Understandable, given the circumstances, but really inconvenient for me if she happened to lose it at the wrong time. I’m not a religious guy, but I prayed that she’d be able to keep it together.

  Suddenly, she stopped dead. The little remaining color drained almost instantly from her face. “Look,” she whispered.

  I looked, and almost immediately regretted it. The zombies were dressed in the leftover scraps of cheerleader uniforms, their raggedy hair pulled back by dirty bows. My heart sped up automatically, and the aches in my body faded away in the face of pure adrenaline. The dead girls had already seen us; they were circling back as we watched. As they closed the gap, their blank eyes glinted eerily in the sun.

  “We have to go,” Lana said. “We have to go now!” Even as the last words left her mouth, she bolted, running hard across the turf. I took a deep breath and followed suit. Behind me, a faint screeeeeeee made its way through the still air. Is that what they sound like? God. I threw all my effort into running faster, until Lana was only a few feet in front of me. I tried to estimate where she was going so that I wouldn’t somehow lose her, but she was moving erratically, in a frenzy. I tried to call out, but exertion had stolen my voice.

  At the edge of the field stood a long, low building that housed the indoor swimming pools. Lana ran straight for it. My heart sank. If the doors on the other side were locked…I had to follow her, though. I couldn’t risk leaving her on her own—I didn’t want to risk it.

  She turned her head and shouted to me as she ran, something about swimming. It took a moment before I understood. “Do you know if they can swim?” Immediately, I saw what she was thinking, and mentally smacked myself for doubting her. What was I thinking? She’s an Econ major! Of course she’s smart! My resolve came back, and I picked up my second wind.

  We barreled through the pool’s double doors, each of us heading straight for the water. I tripped on the edge and landed face-first, the surface stinging my skin. When I surfaced, the noise was unreal; in the echoing acoustics of the pool building, the zombies’ high screeches seemed to cut straight through me. I began to overarm somewhat frantically for the other side. But if my leg was bad for running, it was even worse for swimming. And I could hear them splashing. I didn’t dare look to see if any had actually stayed afloat. My strokes became a mad scramble. I already felt like I was drowning. Were the splashes getting closer? I couldn’t tell.

  “Here!” The sound of Lana’s voice dragged me back into reality. She’d grabbed a foam noodle from a bin in the corner and was holding it out to me. I grasped it and kicked with the rest of my strength, and she hauled me over the side. As I sat there gasping, she got up and ran across the deck. One of the dead cheerleaders reached up out of the pool and grabbed my wrist. I jumped, whacking off her hand with my bat. It fell to the floor, clutching grotesquely at nothing. I shuddered. “Help me!” Lana called. “Quick!”

  She was standing at the deep end of the pool, her hands on the crank that rolled out the plastic cover. I got over to her as fast as I could. She made room for me, and together we turned it out. The zombies saw it coming at the last second. They flailed desperately to get out of the pool, but their rotting limbs wouldn’t support an action like that, and one by one they disappeared beneath the heavy sheet. There were a few angry bumps on the surface, and then it was still.

  I bent over, hands on my knees, to catch my breath. Lana leaned against the empty cover spool. “Good thinking,” I said. “I thought we were goners.” I straightened up, and for the first time, she was smiling a little.

  “I’ve been really scared,” she said. “Like, really scared. But this was the first time I felt like I could actually do something about it.” I picked up my bat.

  “What do you say we go find some food?” The only thing standing between us and the cafeteria now was the last football field. She stopped me as we walked past the entrance to the locker rooms.

  “Wait…I mean, I don’t want to stay here, but do you think maybe we should check and see if there’s anything useful in there?” Another good idea.

  “Okay,” I said, “but let’s check both together. I doubt there’s anybody left in either one who’ll tell us to get out.”

  We went in with weapons raised, but thankfully, the rooms were empty. It made sense; most people were in academic classes at the time the virus hit, and it definitely made things easier on us. The only thing we found was some rich kid’s flip-top lighter, which I pocketed. Our mission complete, we set off to cross the football field.

  Even under these altered circumstances, the football field felt alien to me. Because of my leg, I’ve never been comfortable in sporty environments, and this was no exception. But we’re just crossing, I told myself. No one’s asking you to run a hundred yards. If only I’d been right.

  We were halfway across when I heard it, a faint rustling as if a brisk breeze was making its way through the grass. In a second, the rustling was compounded by a deeper beat. Something striking the ground, like a foot. Oh God. Footsteps. “Lana!” I pushed her forward.

  This one had broad, foot-ball players’ shoulders on which hung the remains of a college jersey. He was charging at us from the far end zone, but I could see that it wouldn’t take him long to cover the remaining distance. There was no way we were getting away from him, even without my bad leg. Crap. This is bad. This is so bad.

  I looked around hurriedly to see if somehow a maintenance man had left one of their little go-carts within dashing distance, but no such luck. Lana had seen what I was shouting about and her face was nearly blank with fear. “Since when?!” she demanded. “Since when can they run?!” I thought that I could feel the ground trembling from the runner’s feet.

  “I forgot to tell you,” I said lamely. My mouth tasted bitter. “I’m sorry. I think—“I shoved my hand i
nto my pocket in a last-ditch attempt to find something, anything, and I stopped talking as my fingers curled around the lighter from the locker room. “Scratch that. Get ready to get out of the way.”

  “Don’t I look ready?” I ignored her and flipped the thing open, pressing down on the fuel release. A bright orange flame popped into life.

  “Thank God,” I muttered. Shielding Lana with my body, in case somehow I was too late, I tossed it onto the dry grass. Immediately, a low barrier of fire went up. Slowly, it began to spread. “Please let that be enough,” I said. But I wasn’t sure. The zombie did not slow down.

  The moment his foot touched the fire, however, he let out a howl of anguish and surprise. Smoke was beginning to cloud our vision, and it only became thicker, darker, and more foul as the runner’s extremities started to burn. I put my hand over my mouth and nose. “Let’s go.” Lana hunched her shoulders, coughing. We did not look back.

  As we cleared the opposite side of the field, the ground sloped into a small hill. I looked out over the rest of the campus, into the clear air, and a triumphant grin spread its way across my face. “I can see it.” I said. “The cafeteria. We’re almost there.” And then I saw something else, and my excitement melted instantly into dread. “And so are the rest of the zombies.”

  ***

  “What?!” First Lana sounded panicked, and then close to tears. “No. You can’t be serious.”

  “Look,” I said grimly. They were clustered in thick crowds around the building, like oversized, shambling ants. Lana made a strangled sound, burying her face in her hands.

  “We’re going to die,” she said. “We’re going to die.” I wanted to say something comforting, but the more I looked at that swirling maelstrom of undead, the more I feared she was right. But I convinced myself I’d come too far to give up, and I knew she’d never willingly be left alone again.

  “Look,” I told her, “I’m going. There are literally no other options. It’s a lose-lose situation here.” She took a deep, shaky breath. “Are you coming?”

  “Are you crazy? Of course I’m coming. I can’t stay out here alone.” She held on tightly to the professor’s cane. “I’m gonna need so much therapy after this…” We looked at each other. “I’m ready, I think.”

  I nodded, shouldered my bat, and started down the hill.

  Surprisingly, they didn’t really see us coming. We were almost within spitting distance before they turned on us. “Just get through!” I yelled, furiously swinging my bat. Some of these were runners too, but I quickly found that in a pinch, fallen zombies make pretty good speed bumps. And after a few minutes, I sort of got used to the motion of swinging the bat, like it was a macabre routine. I barely even felt tired anymore. By the time I reached the café door, my hands and clothes were covered in everything you’d never want to have on you. I smelled like a slaughterhouse. I wrinkled my nose and looked around for Lana.

  She was a little bit off to my right, kicking a downed undead in the face. The cane in her hand was beginning to splinter. I went over with the bat and delivered the last blow to her adversary’s head. She looked at me. I looked at her. “This is disgusting,” she said. And then I knew she might be all right.

  “Yeah,” I agreed. “Let’s go inside.” I guess I was thinking that the ordeal was almost over, that I had almost won. I don’t know why I let my guard down, but it hit me pretty hard when I saw what was in there.

  Of course the cafeteria is where they’d all gone. Of course. How could I be so stupid? This place was always packed anyway, even in the morning. I leaned my bat up against the wall and rubbed my eyes for a long second. You thought you were in trouble before, Sam? Well, you weren’t. This is trouble.

  Lana sat down on the step beside me, laying the cane on the ground. “I’m done,” she said flatly. “I can’t do this.” I turned and stared at her.

  “You can’t just stay here,” I said. She looked up at me and shrugged.

  “You’re suggesting what? That I wade through that sea of zombies and get myself ripped to shreds? That’s what’s going to happen, Sam! I’d rather starve to death.” Her voice became slightly shrill at the end, threatening hysterics. I tried to think fast.

  “Okay. I’ll…do something.” My mind was racing. I knew that even though I’d given Lana faith just by surviving, this was the end of her rope. And I had to admit to myself that it looked like a huge, huge mistake. The floor was packed with them, shuffling, pushing, shoving. It was almost enough to make you lose your mind. The strange dimness did nothing to help. I scratched my head. Where are the lights?

  Then I remembered. One of my history professors, in one of his many off-topic ramblings during Ancient Cities, had told the class that the cafeteria could be set up as a giant sundial because of its wall-to-wall eastern windows. The windows had blinds, which were generally closed late in the day to block the afternoon sun, and could be opened all at once from either side. The blind system was designed to provide maximum convenience to the maintenance staff, and now I hoped it would also save my life. I dropped my bat in Lana’s lap; I needed both hands to pull the cord. She glanced at me, startled.

  “What are you doing?”

  I sighed. “The last thing I can think of.” But my idea was almost scrapped even before it took off. As soon as I moved, it seemed like every pair of undead eyes was on us. I walked cautiously across the steps, judging the speed and direction of their movements. Their sheer masses meant it was difficult for them to move, but if they managed…I didn’t want to think about it. I inched closer to the edge of the last stair.

  “Wait, Sam.” I turned my head to see that Lana had gone back and taken a fire extinguisher off the wall. She held it in both hands, fingers poised on the release. “I’ll do this while you do that. It’ll distract them, I think.”

  “What if they come at you?” She looked at the red canister for a moment.

  “Hopefully they’ll be blinded. Go on.” I knew I had to do it. Steeling myself, I threw my body forward off the step. I heard the harsh rush of the extinguisher as I ran the ten steps to the cord on the wall and pulled it with all my might. The sun came rushing in, illuminating the ghastly horde. They screamed. The effect was such that it was almost like I had set them all ablaze; they were rendered completely incapacitated, stumbling about in confusion. Realizing too late that I had left my bat with Lana and that I didn’t have time to go and get it, I lunged into the awful throng, knocking them aside with my bare hands and counting on sheer luck that I didn’t get pierced or bitten. Part of me honestly believed I wouldn’t make it to the storage rooms. But I kept going, and eventually the doors popped up in front of me. I didn’t know where Lana was. I didn’t know whether I’d been injured, and if so, how badly. I just had to get to the food.

  Kicking one last crawler aside, I grabbed the door and pulled. It swung open almost too slowly for me to bear. As soon as I could fit through, I stepped across the threshold and looked around.

  Oh my God. The storage was empty. All the shelves had been completely cleaned out except for a few cans of miscellaneous things that I couldn’t identify from where I was standing. The situation started to sink in, and I dropped numbly to the floor. All my hopes had just been crushed. There was nothing here.

  To make matters worse, something was banging on the other side of the door I’d just closed. I didn’t even have the energy to feel anything about it until I heard someone say my name. “Sam! Can you let me in? This thing is heavy.”

  I pulled open the door and let Lana through. She tossed the spent extinguisher on the ground. “It’s actually kinda easy to—“Her voice trailed off as she endured the same painful revelation that I’d just had. “There’s no food here.”

  “Nope.” She looked at me, and then she sat down and put her chin in her palm. “I’m sorry,” I said. I felt really, really bad, like I was somehow responsible for how wrong this all had gone. Lana smiled.

  “Aw, Sam, it’s not your fault. Anyone would think ther
e’d be food here. And the weird thing is, I want to be upset, but I’ve just fought my way through a horde of zombies with an empty fire extinguisher. After that, no food seems…not so bad.” I had to laugh. She grew thoughtful again. “But what I’m wondering is…who took the food? Obviously the zombies didn’t. They wouldn’t know what to do with it.” She was right. The zombies had plenty of things to snack on. As I was thinking, the sound of a door latch came from somewhere in the back corner of the storage room. We both looked up. Lana reached for the fire extinguisher.

  There was a door I hadn’t noticed in the far wall of the room, and it was opening now. I prepared myself as best I could for whatever was going to walk through that door. This could be the end, Sam. You did fine. You did the best you could do. My heart hammered loudly in my ears.

  “Sam? Jeez, man, how long have you been in here?” The roommate I hadn’t seen in days stepped out from behind the door.

  “How long have you been…alive?” I asked. He came over and offered me his hand, pulling me to my feet.

  “Are you guys okay?” He helped Lana up too. We nodded. “I’d just come from the library for a snack when it happened,” he said. “Me and some other kids holed up in here until the worst died down and we could find someplace to make a safehouse.” I raised my eyebrows.

  “There’s a safehouse?” He shrugged.

  “Well, a safe zone. The med wing. You know, just in case anyone got hurt.” He paused. “You’d be surprised how many people made it. Not a lot, but enough. One of them saw your sign. We were gonna come get you tonight.” He clapped me on the shoulder. “But I guess you saved us the trouble, huh?” I laughed a little.

  “Yeah, I guess. And I found Lana on the way.”

  “You’re Lana? I’m Tom.” They shook hands and Tom said, “We need everyone we can get right now. You guys hungry? The food’s in the safe zone.”